Self-evaluation

Recounting the time I started proper training for ballet and comtemporary… Say, 5 months?!

I have been evaluating myself. Sometimes, the alignment of my body is wrong and I look all too ugly. My stage presence is weak, and speaking in terms of ANTM, I do not stand out. I am not flexible, even though I have good feet with perfect turn-out. While other people have a natural flair for movement, I am not quite sure of that myself.

BUT

I am proud of myself, and I really do not think not many people can learn and improve as fast as I can. My progress rate has been alarming (at least this is how I see it). 5 months of training and I already have a performance. Although it is not a technical piece and the show is short, I believe Chin wouldn’t have roped me in if I can only dance like a beginner. If the exponential curve for my growth can be so steep in this 5 months, let’s not talk about the next few years.

I believe it would only be steeper!

I have faith in myself. But these days, I have heard too many people criticising and teasing me to really care. Sometimes though, it affects me greatly. Like, I’d start to doubt my own ability and I’d ask myself why I can’t do anything right. I guess it’s not their fault that they are judging me the way the industry judges them and I can’t ask them to emphatise with me. So, I will prove it to them.

However, I can’t explain how jaded I feel. I really wish someone can give me a pat on my back and tell me,

“Keep up the good work. You have been progressing so well.” Someone who can see how much effort I’ve put in and recognise them.