Just a simple bus-ride.

As I was travelling home just now, I was reading a book – ‘The Good Doctor’. Actually, I was trying very hard. Many a time, I found myself distracted, eyes gazing out of the window and focusing on nothing in particular. Then I had to pull myself back, slap myself mentally and remind myself to read.

It’s about feeling lost again. I always feel lost, in this world. I lack of security – emotionally, spiritually and financially so as to speak.

Lasalle or NAFA. This year or next year? My age, as compared to students who enrolled after ‘O’ Levels and students from abroad. Who’s to finance me? More debt, like I don’t already have enough.

Yes, my thoughts were messy and broad in spectrum. I can’t help but to think a lot and now that I’m turning 22 this year, I have a dead-serious need to start thinking.

Focus, that’s the word. I need time to think through and separate my thoughts. This month’s gone – all outfields. March, probably. April, am in Taiwan. May, clearing leaves but isn’t it too late by then? ‘Cause if I want to start school this year, I have to register now!

I tried to be strong. I want to be. I have dreams and I know I can achieve it. But I have so many factors trying to out-do me. I feel tired. Everytime I think of my problems and my future, I feel tired. I need support. I need a shoulder to lean on. I need money. YES the mofo root of all evil!